"Lukewarm people do not live by faith; their lives are structured so they never have to. They don't have to trust God if something unexpected happens- they have their savings account. They don't need God to help them- they have their retirement plan in place. They don't genuinely seek out what life God would have them live- they have life figured and mapped out. They don't depend on God on a daily basis- their refrigerators are full and, for the most part, they are in good health. The truth is, their lives wouldn't look much different if they suddenly stopped believing in God."
Francis Chan, Crazy Love

I see too much of myself in those words. I moved 6,000 miles from home. I live in a culture which is not my own. I can't grocery shop, ask where the bathroom is, or order my own dinner at a restaurant. I cannot live independently. I want to be self-sufficient. I find myself resisting in my heart my need for help. My dependency on God (and others) has definitely changed, but not enough.

I cannot get over the fact that the people I live amongst, the people who have so much less than me, live more contentedly than I do. The sweet body of believers at Castro Alves have a dependency on God that I long for. I want to be sustained by the Lord, but I live discontented. I want to depend completely on my Savior.

Every student in my 5th grade class can define sovereignty. God is in control, and He is good. We studied this in Bible class all week. I am so thankful that I could learn this lesson along with them: I must choose daily to believe my God is sovereign and live accordingly.

how i ended up in brasil...

"I opened my Bible... I don't think it was coincidence that it fell open to Jeremiah 1. It spoke of God's intimate knowledge of me. I had always acknowledged His complete sovereignty over me, but verses 4 and 5 took it to another level: "The word of the Lord came to me, saying, 'Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.'" In other words, God knew me before He made me. When I first digested this, all of my other relationships seemed trivial by comparison. God has been with me from the start- in fact, from well before the start. My next thought was that He determined what Jeremiah would do before he was even born. I questioned whether that was also true of me. Then I remembered Ephesians 2:10, which tells us that we were created "to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do." My existence was not random, nor was it an accident. God knew who He was creating, and He designed me for a specific work." -- Francis Chan

I had the opportunity to share my story at Igreja Batista em Castro Alves last Sunday evening... as I was waiting for church to start I was reading Crazy Love by Francis Chan. When I think about my life, and how it has changed in the last months... I can't help but worship and adore the God who knew me before He made me... and designed me for a specific work.

My journey to Brasil started years ago... its incredible to look back and to see how God was preparing me SEVERAL years ago for this exact time!

I grew up going to camp at Lincoln Lake Baptist Camp... worked in the kitchen during my high school years, and counseled throughout my college years. The summer of 2004 I graduated from college, worked at camp, and moved to Charlotte. That summer the Camp Director told me about a mission trip the camp was taking to Sao Paulo, Brasil in the summer of 2005. I immediately told him I wanted to be a leader for the trip... I had always wanted to go to Brasil! Despite my enthusiasm, he told me no... he had already picked the girl leader for the trip. So I finished my summer at camp, moved to North Carolina, and started my first year of teaching. The next spring I got a phone call from Pastor Alan asking me to go to Brasil as a leader with the group from the camp. Mary Nichols, the girl who was supposed to help lead the trip, was in a car accident and passed away. I had the opportunity of a lifetime in front of me...

I spent nearly 2 weeks in Sao Paulo with a great group of girls in July of 2005 I was stretched and grown that week... it was my first time outside of North America -- and I was responsible for a bunch of girls! In the short time I was in Sao Paulo I fell in love with the culture and the people of Brasil. While on the trip Dave & Jan Santos asked me to come back the next summer to help them with their mission trip groups... I was completely unaware as God began unfolding His plans and preparing me...

I returned to Charlotte to enjoy the rest of the summer, and then began my 2nd year of teaching at Northside. In January of 2006 I decided that I would take the Santos' up on their offer for the following summer. I finished up my school year, went on a few trips with friends... and then flew to Brasil to spend 6 weeks with the Santos. I so vividly remember sitting at the airport in Chicago waiting to board my flight... waiting in anticipation for what the summer held in store and for what God was going to teach me thru my time overseas. I also remember thinking "how in the world am i going to get my directionally-challenged self thru the airport with english signs?"... God answered that silly little worry with a seatmate who was a sweet Christian school teacher from Brasil who had connections to the Santos...

I was changed that summer. The distractions of life fell away, and I learned to abide with my Savior. The people at church taught me by example how to be content... and how to truly depend on God for everything. My heart was taken by Brasil... my desire to live the typical American life decreased and all I could think about was returning to Brasil to live and work and minister. I cried when I had to get on the plane to leave Brasil... and I cried when my plane landed in the States.

The demands of life & other distractions returned... but the longing in my heart for Brasil remained. I stayed in contact with the Superintendent of PACA (Pan American Christian Academy) and I pursued a teaching position at the school for the 2007-2008 school year. The school didn't have a single opening, so I knew it was God's will for me to stay in Charlotte. In the Spring of 2007 I signed another contract at NCA and signed a new lease on an apartment - the NEXT day I got an email from the Superintendent of PACA about an elementary position that was now available. I knew that the timing was not a coincidence.

Fast-forward to July 2008... I went to Michigan to visit my family and also to see the Santos, who were on furlough for the year. We all met for dinner one night, and as we were saying "good-bye" Dave told me I needed to pursue PACA again to see if the door was open. I didn't really entertain the idea... I was happy where I was. Later, as I thought and prayed I decided I would email the school. I went to PACA's website, but that is as far as it got. In October I went to teacher's convention (where I brought my laptop with the purpose of emailing PACA)... but instead had a face to face conversation with the Superintendent of PACA, who had come for an International School Conference. We talked about possible openings and exchanged information, but I didn't hear anything in the following months... So I felt like I had done my duty... I pursued the school and nothing happened... and that was just fine with me!

Over Christmas break I saw the Santos again and relayed to them that it was NOT God's will for me to move to Brasil... I had pursued the possibility and nothing happened. Less than a week later I received an email from the Superintendent asking if I was still interested in coming to PACA. We corresponded thru email... and he told me about a 7th grade position... again, I thought I was off the hook because I am certified to teach thru 6th grade. He emailed me a week later and told me that the 5th grade position was also available.

I could no longer hide behind "its not God's will"... and I had to wrestle with my selfish motivations and desires... after I prayed and sought counsel I realized I needed to pursue the opportunity. Everything fell into place with my application and interview... and somewhere along the way my heart changed. My mindset changed from "I want to stay in Charlotte, but I have to pursue God's will" to "I am going to be disappointed if Brasil doesn't happen". Shortly after I was offered the 5th grade position and I immediately accepted.

The 4 1/2 months between making my decision to move to Brasil and actually getting on the plane were bittersweet. I was stuck between 2 worlds... trying to finish things well while preparing for my future. Those 4 1/2 months absolutely flew by... preparing to move overseas is quite an ordeal, but the Lord led me one step at a time and worked out every last detail. On July 27th I said my final "good-byes" and departed for the adventure that is the desire of my heart...

lessons i have learned...

Yesterday marked one month since my arrival to Sao Paulo. I have learned so much over the last few weeks! Here's a few of the highlights...

-Its ok to be dependent on others. I can't even go to the grocery store by myself since I can't read the labels. As I learn to rely on others for my physical needs, I become more dependent on my Heavenly Father.

-Its good to laugh at yourself. Its humbling to make mistakes in a culture you don't understand. Its also good to see humor in new surroundings. Going to the market and seeing giant bloody animal carcasses for sale is NOT what I am used to seeing! The even better part is that some vendors have piglets on their signs... and poor little piggies hanging below.

- There is a stark beauty to gorgeous flowers and random parks in the midst of a lot of concrete and the huge city!

- I have a lot to be thankful for. The people here are content with what God has given them. They also value relationships more than time. When I have the opportunity to go back to the States I will be more thankful for the conveniences of home (well paved roads, less traffic, and no pollution headaches)... but I also hope to have a more content spirit within me.

- My down comforter was THE BEST purchase I made for Brazil! It has been cold lately, and buildings here don't have heat. I wrote lesson plans last weekend wrapped in a blanket and wearing gloves. I am so thankful that I have not been cold once at night! I am also really glad that I bought a fleece jacket and down vest last spring when they were 70% off.

- I have A LOT to learn at school. I forget how much work my first year was. In so many ways, its the first year all over again! It is going to take time to learn a new system and new content... and thats ok.

Its good for me to look back over the last month and realize just how much has changed in my life. And how much I have learned. Life has been busy these last few weeks preparing for school and settling in. I haven't had much time to just sit and reflect. The reality of my life is changing significantly came in waves as I prepared for Brazil... as I gave up my job at Northside, drove away from Charlotte, said good-bye to my family... and got on the plane. Then I arrived in Sao Paulo and knew at some point it would hit me that I LIVE here, and this IS home... Last week as I was writing a friend the enormity of the decision I made hit me. And I am more thankful to God and more excited for the future than I was when I made my decision...

PACA

Hello former 1st graders, and other blog readers! :)

Happy first day of school Mrs. Johnson's class!

I wanted to share some pictures of Sao Paulo, Brasil!

This is me and my new roommate Kendra on top of the Banespa Building, one of the tallest buildings in the city!


The skyline of Sao Paulo...

My 5th Grade Classroom (this was when I first arrived, I will put more pictures up of what it looks like now later.)

My desk and lots of windows...

The walkways my students use to get to their specials and the kioski where teachers eat lunch...

Part of the playground...

I go to Igreja Batista Castro Alves (Castro Alves Baptist Church). Here is the Church Sign.

They are still working on finishing this building. This is where the kids go for Sunday School and the babies go for nursery.

This is Sunday School for the kids your age. There was a group from West Virginia that came down to visit. They were talking to the kids during Sunday School.

This is what the grocery store looks like... A little different than in North Carolina! The lady in the picture is deciding which fish to buy for dinner.

home...

Its always important to have a place where you call "home"... Michigan will always be my true home, where I spent my childhood and where my family lives... Charlotte, NC became home in the 5 years I lived there... where I learned how to live on my own, and formed life-long friendships (and was harder to leave than I could have imagined)... and Sao Paulo will soon become more than the place I temporarily reside...

So, this is my life... a new apartment, a new school, and a new way of doing things...

my bedroom...
the bathroom, complete with an electric shower...

the living room...

the kitchen...

Things I am Thankful For...

Throughout my preparations for, and travels to, Sao Paulo there are many things I am thankful for...

1- This was NOT my last trip to Starbucks... they have one in Sao Paulo! :)



2- The really nice ticket agent at the United counter in Grand Rapids who only charged me for 2 additional bags, instead of 3. She also checked to make sure I had good seats! What a blessing!

3- All 5 of my bags were under 70 pounds... one of them weighed in at 69.5 pounds! Thanks for all your help Mom!

4- I had a window seat on the plane... the view of Sao Paulo before we landed.

5- I was able to sleep some on the plane.

6- I sat next to a really friend Brasilian who spoke English... he gave me his pillow since he was not going to use it (which made #5 possible!)

7- I was able to lug all of my luggage through the airport by myself... I am sure I was quite a sight with 5 suitcases, 1 carry-on, my laptop, and purse... all put on 2 luggage carts.

8- I only had to open 1 suitcase at customs. The only one they wanted to see was my suitcase of school stuff... once I told them I was a "professora" at an "escolar" they let me through without a problem. This was the ONLY suitcase that they I could have closed on my own... the rest were about to explode. I was so thankful that they chose that bag to open!

9- The guy working at customs helped me with my bags to where I met my new Superintendent.

10- Everything has gone super well the last few days since I have arrived... and I have much to look forward to as I adjust to my new culture, make new friends, and look forward to the school year ahead!

departure 7/27/2009... 7:01 pm

Well... its finally here! It seems like just yesterday that I started this process... and now my bags are packed and I am heading to the airport in less than an hour! As I sit here and reflect over the last few months... I am overwhelmed at the goodness of God, and how He has provided for me in each step of this process! I am humbled to serve such an amazing God!

So, now for the details... In just a little bit I am heading to the Grand Rapids International Airport to check in for my flight! I am checking 5 really large, really heavy bags! My flight to Chicago leaves at 7:01 pm. I have a 2 1/2 hour layover in Chicago, where I plan on eating my last American food and Starbuck Frappicino! :) My flight to Sao Paulo leaves around 9:30 (Chicago time) and I will arrive in Sao Paulo at 10:05 AM Tuesday morning.

Please pray that my bags make it through customs without any problems, and also that I am able to get good rest on my overnight flight!