"Lukewarm people do not live by faith; their lives are structured so they never have to. They don't have to trust God if something unexpected happens- they have their savings account. They don't need God to help them- they have their retirement plan in place. They don't genuinely seek out what life God would have them live- they have life figured and mapped out. They don't depend on God on a daily basis- their refrigerators are full and, for the most part, they are in good health. The truth is, their lives wouldn't look much different if they suddenly stopped believing in God."
Francis Chan, Crazy Love
I see too much of myself in those words. I moved 6,000 miles from home. I live in a culture which is not my own. I can't grocery shop, ask where the bathroom is, or order my own dinner at a restaurant. I cannot live independently. I want to be self-sufficient. I find myself resisting in my heart my need for help. My dependency on God (and others) has definitely changed, but not enough.
I cannot get over the fact that the people I live amongst, the people who have so much less than me, live more contentedly than I do. The sweet body of believers at Castro Alves have a dependency on God that I long for. I want to be sustained by the Lord, but I live discontented. I want to depend completely on my Savior.
Every student in my 5th grade class can define sovereignty. God is in control, and He is good. We studied this in Bible class all week. I am so thankful that I could learn this lesson along with them: I must choose daily to believe my God is sovereign and live accordingly.
Friday, September 25, 2009
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
how i ended up in brasil...
"I opened my Bible... I don't think it was coincidence that it fell open to Jeremiah 1. It spoke of God's intimate knowledge of me. I had always acknowledged His complete sovereignty over me, but verses 4 and 5 took it to another level: "The word of the Lord came to me, saying, 'Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.'" In other words, God knew me before He made me. When I first digested this, all of my other relationships seemed trivial by comparison. God has been with me from the start- in fact, from well before the start. My next thought was that He determined what Jeremiah would do before he was even born. I questioned whether that was also true of me. Then I remembered Ephesians 2:10, which tells us that we were created "to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do." My existence was not random, nor was it an accident. God knew who He was creating, and He designed me for a specific work." -- Francis Chan
I had the opportunity to share my story at Igreja Batista em Castro Alves last Sunday evening... as I was waiting for church to start I was reading Crazy Love by Francis Chan. When I think about my life, and how it has changed in the last months... I can't help but worship and adore the God who knew me before He made me... and designed me for a specific work.
My journey to Brasil started years ago... its incredible to look back and to see how God was preparing me SEVERAL years ago for this exact time!
I grew up going to camp at Lincoln Lake Baptist Camp... worked in the kitchen during my high school years, and counseled throughout my college years. The summer of 2004 I graduated from college, worked at camp, and moved to Charlotte. That summer the Camp Director told me about a mission trip the camp was taking to Sao Paulo, Brasil in the summer of 2005. I immediately told him I wanted to be a leader for the trip... I had always wanted to go to Brasil! Despite my enthusiasm, he told me no... he had already picked the girl leader for the trip. So I finished my summer at camp, moved to North Carolina, and started my first year of teaching. The next spring I got a phone call from Pastor Alan asking me to go to Brasil as a leader with the group from the camp. Mary Nichols, the girl who was supposed to help lead the trip, was in a car accident and passed away. I had the opportunity of a lifetime in front of me...
I spent nearly 2 weeks in Sao Paulo with a great group of girls in July of 2005 I was stretched and grown that week... it was my first time outside of North America -- and I was responsible for a bunch of girls! In the short time I was in Sao Paulo I fell in love with the culture and the people of Brasil. While on the trip Dave & Jan Santos asked me to come back the next summer to help them with their mission trip groups... I was completely unaware as God began unfolding His plans and preparing me...
I returned to Charlotte to enjoy the rest of the summer, and then began my 2nd year of teaching at Northside. In January of 2006 I decided that I would take the Santos' up on their offer for the following summer. I finished up my school year, went on a few trips with friends... and then flew to Brasil to spend 6 weeks with the Santos. I so vividly remember sitting at the airport in Chicago waiting to board my flight... waiting in anticipation for what the summer held in store and for what God was going to teach me thru my time overseas. I also remember thinking "how in the world am i going to get my directionally-challenged self thru the airport with english signs?"... God answered that silly little worry with a seatmate who was a sweet Christian school teacher from Brasil who had connections to the Santos...
I was changed that summer. The distractions of life fell away, and I learned to abide with my Savior. The people at church taught me by example how to be content... and how to truly depend on God for everything. My heart was taken by Brasil... my desire to live the typical American life decreased and all I could think about was returning to Brasil to live and work and minister. I cried when I had to get on the plane to leave Brasil... and I cried when my plane landed in the States.
The demands of life & other distractions returned... but the longing in my heart for Brasil remained. I stayed in contact with the Superintendent of PACA (Pan American Christian Academy) and I pursued a teaching position at the school for the 2007-2008 school year. The school didn't have a single opening, so I knew it was God's will for me to stay in Charlotte. In the Spring of 2007 I signed another contract at NCA and signed a new lease on an apartment - the NEXT day I got an email from the Superintendent of PACA about an elementary position that was now available. I knew that the timing was not a coincidence.
Fast-forward to July 2008... I went to Michigan to visit my family and also to see the Santos, who were on furlough for the year. We all met for dinner one night, and as we were saying "good-bye" Dave told me I needed to pursue PACA again to see if the door was open. I didn't really entertain the idea... I was happy where I was. Later, as I thought and prayed I decided I would email the school. I went to PACA's website, but that is as far as it got. In October I went to teacher's convention (where I brought my laptop with the purpose of emailing PACA)... but instead had a face to face conversation with the Superintendent of PACA, who had come for an International School Conference. We talked about possible openings and exchanged information, but I didn't hear anything in the following months... So I felt like I had done my duty... I pursued the school and nothing happened... and that was just fine with me!
Over Christmas break I saw the Santos again and relayed to them that it was NOT God's will for me to move to Brasil... I had pursued the possibility and nothing happened. Less than a week later I received an email from the Superintendent asking if I was still interested in coming to PACA. We corresponded thru email... and he told me about a 7th grade position... again, I thought I was off the hook because I am certified to teach thru 6th grade. He emailed me a week later and told me that the 5th grade position was also available.
I could no longer hide behind "its not God's will"... and I had to wrestle with my selfish motivations and desires... after I prayed and sought counsel I realized I needed to pursue the opportunity. Everything fell into place with my application and interview... and somewhere along the way my heart changed. My mindset changed from "I want to stay in Charlotte, but I have to pursue God's will" to "I am going to be disappointed if Brasil doesn't happen". Shortly after I was offered the 5th grade position and I immediately accepted.
The 4 1/2 months between making my decision to move to Brasil and actually getting on the plane were bittersweet. I was stuck between 2 worlds... trying to finish things well while preparing for my future. Those 4 1/2 months absolutely flew by... preparing to move overseas is quite an ordeal, but the Lord led me one step at a time and worked out every last detail. On July 27th I said my final "good-byes" and departed for the adventure that is the desire of my heart...
I had the opportunity to share my story at Igreja Batista em Castro Alves last Sunday evening... as I was waiting for church to start I was reading Crazy Love by Francis Chan. When I think about my life, and how it has changed in the last months... I can't help but worship and adore the God who knew me before He made me... and designed me for a specific work.
My journey to Brasil started years ago... its incredible to look back and to see how God was preparing me SEVERAL years ago for this exact time!
I grew up going to camp at Lincoln Lake Baptist Camp... worked in the kitchen during my high school years, and counseled throughout my college years. The summer of 2004 I graduated from college, worked at camp, and moved to Charlotte. That summer the Camp Director told me about a mission trip the camp was taking to Sao Paulo, Brasil in the summer of 2005. I immediately told him I wanted to be a leader for the trip... I had always wanted to go to Brasil! Despite my enthusiasm, he told me no... he had already picked the girl leader for the trip. So I finished my summer at camp, moved to North Carolina, and started my first year of teaching. The next spring I got a phone call from Pastor Alan asking me to go to Brasil as a leader with the group from the camp. Mary Nichols, the girl who was supposed to help lead the trip, was in a car accident and passed away. I had the opportunity of a lifetime in front of me...
I spent nearly 2 weeks in Sao Paulo with a great group of girls in July of 2005 I was stretched and grown that week... it was my first time outside of North America -- and I was responsible for a bunch of girls! In the short time I was in Sao Paulo I fell in love with the culture and the people of Brasil. While on the trip Dave & Jan Santos asked me to come back the next summer to help them with their mission trip groups... I was completely unaware as God began unfolding His plans and preparing me...
I returned to Charlotte to enjoy the rest of the summer, and then began my 2nd year of teaching at Northside. In January of 2006 I decided that I would take the Santos' up on their offer for the following summer. I finished up my school year, went on a few trips with friends... and then flew to Brasil to spend 6 weeks with the Santos. I so vividly remember sitting at the airport in Chicago waiting to board my flight... waiting in anticipation for what the summer held in store and for what God was going to teach me thru my time overseas. I also remember thinking "how in the world am i going to get my directionally-challenged self thru the airport with english signs?"... God answered that silly little worry with a seatmate who was a sweet Christian school teacher from Brasil who had connections to the Santos...
I was changed that summer. The distractions of life fell away, and I learned to abide with my Savior. The people at church taught me by example how to be content... and how to truly depend on God for everything. My heart was taken by Brasil... my desire to live the typical American life decreased and all I could think about was returning to Brasil to live and work and minister. I cried when I had to get on the plane to leave Brasil... and I cried when my plane landed in the States.
The demands of life & other distractions returned... but the longing in my heart for Brasil remained. I stayed in contact with the Superintendent of PACA (Pan American Christian Academy) and I pursued a teaching position at the school for the 2007-2008 school year. The school didn't have a single opening, so I knew it was God's will for me to stay in Charlotte. In the Spring of 2007 I signed another contract at NCA and signed a new lease on an apartment - the NEXT day I got an email from the Superintendent of PACA about an elementary position that was now available. I knew that the timing was not a coincidence.
Fast-forward to July 2008... I went to Michigan to visit my family and also to see the Santos, who were on furlough for the year. We all met for dinner one night, and as we were saying "good-bye" Dave told me I needed to pursue PACA again to see if the door was open. I didn't really entertain the idea... I was happy where I was. Later, as I thought and prayed I decided I would email the school. I went to PACA's website, but that is as far as it got. In October I went to teacher's convention (where I brought my laptop with the purpose of emailing PACA)... but instead had a face to face conversation with the Superintendent of PACA, who had come for an International School Conference. We talked about possible openings and exchanged information, but I didn't hear anything in the following months... So I felt like I had done my duty... I pursued the school and nothing happened... and that was just fine with me!
Over Christmas break I saw the Santos again and relayed to them that it was NOT God's will for me to move to Brasil... I had pursued the possibility and nothing happened. Less than a week later I received an email from the Superintendent asking if I was still interested in coming to PACA. We corresponded thru email... and he told me about a 7th grade position... again, I thought I was off the hook because I am certified to teach thru 6th grade. He emailed me a week later and told me that the 5th grade position was also available.
I could no longer hide behind "its not God's will"... and I had to wrestle with my selfish motivations and desires... after I prayed and sought counsel I realized I needed to pursue the opportunity. Everything fell into place with my application and interview... and somewhere along the way my heart changed. My mindset changed from "I want to stay in Charlotte, but I have to pursue God's will" to "I am going to be disappointed if Brasil doesn't happen". Shortly after I was offered the 5th grade position and I immediately accepted.
The 4 1/2 months between making my decision to move to Brasil and actually getting on the plane were bittersweet. I was stuck between 2 worlds... trying to finish things well while preparing for my future. Those 4 1/2 months absolutely flew by... preparing to move overseas is quite an ordeal, but the Lord led me one step at a time and worked out every last detail. On July 27th I said my final "good-byes" and departed for the adventure that is the desire of my heart...
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